You know, as long as there were ice cream breaks, I would totally eat chips for a living.
Just saw remains of her puke from last night on my pants.... thats got "Apology BJ" written all over it.
Just got roadhead in a driving snowstorm. That shit should be a Winter X games event.
the worst part of it wasnt him peeing on the xbox. it was when he showed me his penis and made a kissy face at me. THAT was painful.
Just chased ups truck with a half wiped ass for you. You're making dinner tonight
So basically i got outta bed and started peeing on the a/c unit..when my roommate tried to stop me i looked at him and said "i got this"
It's my coworker's last day party and I'm the one who ended up shitfaced on the train with half a bottle of belvedere in my bag.
I was gonna tell her, but there were too many tongues in my mouth
I want to buy her liposuction. And a spot on What Not To Wear. And a face transplant.
How was the birthday sex?
Shit got outta hand. Honestly I think even my STDs have STDs.
You know it's going to be a good night when you're barking by 8:20.
What if he stabs me in the back, mid-orgasm, as I sit on his face? It'd be a miraculous way to go but that's not the point
I can't find my keys and there's a hotdog in my purse.
He showed up soaking wet with a flashlight and a ping pong ball. I couldn't say no
Well we've always known you have a weakness for guys with balls in their hands
i came so much i feel like i were to try again, only dust would come out. and maybe glitter
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