One girl and one boy is just not enough.
I would really like to get high with Bill Nye. I'm being dead serious. Every step I take is literally a step I take because it will take me closer to Science Guy high.
We could get him to build Inspector Gadget.
I didn't know you were high TOOOO!!!
Even water is tasting like jack daniels
I keep having to talk dad out of putting tequila in the milkshakes.
i just opened a seperate checking account to keep track of how much i make and spend on our keggers
I walked in on you eating olive oil off of a plate. you gave me this look and I just started crying. we were that drunk.
Found myself carrying 2 bottles of .89 euro wine about half a mile to where im staying. and someone stopped me and spoke to english. apparently, i reek of drunk american.
DISHONOR ON YOU. DISHONOR ON YO FAMILY. DISHONOR ON YO COW
Reasons I shouldn't drink... My twitter drafts keep getting more and more emotional.
Her blow jobs are legen wait for it seriously like 9 people I know brag about them dary
You took acid last night and I’m up early to go to the grand opening of a new TJMaxx by my house. We couldn’t be more perfect.
dude it was our first time and her hair caught on fire from the candles on the nightstand
There is no way that actually happened!
the smell of burnt hair covered up the sweaty sex smell.
As in, legitimately worried. You just sent me a 6 message long text that did not contain any complete words.
is it bad that im laying on a beach towel in my room with my lights on high pretending to be tanning on the beach in the summer?
She's dancing around licking a fork of nutella. She is not sober.
Randomize
