Why are you such a perv today?
This is a lot to handle
Oh shh
I'm kidding you prude take a joke
Where are you???
With some dude on the way to his house to blaze
You went back to a stranger's house????
He isn't a stranger...he used to be on kids, inc.
I love LA.
Slept with that guy from the bar last night. Only got 2 1/2 hours of sleep. Eyes were so bloodshot this morning that the principal sent me home b/c she thought I had pink eye. God I love teaching elementary school...
I can't make this stuff up. Your ex is singing I Will Survive on the karaoke.
I'm pretty sure my moms getting nailed in the bathroom right now while I'm chaperoning. God damn it.
I just remembered you had me meet your law professor while I was wasted...how'd that go?
All you need to do now is invest in a Speedo and start going door to door.
Last thing I ever expected to say, "Get your finger out of my ear or I will stop sucking your dick."
Btw, do you want me to fix this with a box of wine and a chick flick or is this more of a 'lets head to the strip club' problem? I'm just trying to analyze the emotional depth of the situation.
why is there blood on my car? and are we still friends?
Just chugged a Bloody Mary in 60 seconds flat. New personal best! Happy Sunday!
I swear to God, if you have sex in my bed one more time you're gonna start paying rent
At least you didn’t announce to an entire bar you’ve eaten pussy, and then knocked your beer over.
I'm just bringing him "breakfast," and breakfast may lead to lunch and dinner, but that doesn't mean I want the mealplan.
Let's just face it you're going to have an arrangement with your future wife your fuck me on Thursdays
Randomize
