i love that we sang a whole new world together while you carried me through campus
So thanks to the xanax and vodka memory erasering combo i wake up only to reopen a picture of some very familiar balls
Just bought plan B with a coupon. Told the pharmacist I like to keep it classy.
Every day you talk to me ... I literally love you more..
I'm sorry. I really don't see what's wrong with pregaming before a wine tasting.This champagne won't drink itself.
The wine tasting is just for charity anyways...
Annd you probably wouldn't of fallen down the stairs if you didn't insist on taking 'finale shots'
my stepmom is let-the-dog-eat-out-of-her-mouth drunk. oh my god.
so do you, all the weight can't fall on me. I'll befriend a ball pit owner if you will befriend a drug dealer. teamwork.
They're re-releasing Titanic in 3-D. Can I interest you in a joint venture to create the greatest drinking game of all time? I think yes
Oh god, so much rum. I think I was in a shotgun wedding with a Bacardi promotion girl.
She once gave me sex advice over the phone while intoxicated. So no you don't have the cooler therapist.
SIMBAAAA REMEBER WHO YOU ARE
You could be a whistle.. And just ask bitches if they want to blow you all night
In the liquor store when a straight girl and a gay guy were just arguing about who hooked up with the same guy first.
I almost took a picture but it looked like he might have a shank and I'm just not at a place in my life where I could handle having tetanus
I settled on "Merry Christmas! Btw you may have chlamydia". I thought a nice holiday greeting would soften the blow
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