Def gonna have stinky sex sometime soon. GOT TO! she has eligible friends for you, as well.
you know he's having a sex change. I can't believe you called him "titty man" to his face....
Coffee is gods way of saying go ahead, get absolutly trashed on weeknights, I got your back
She literally thanked me for asking before I put in her ass
The president of the frat said he was honored to award me "Best Overall Blow Jobs", free admission to all their future parties, and a $20 gift certificate to Denny's. I'm not sure if I feel proud or if that's just the burrito coming back up...
Also, what are the symptoms of syphilis?
NEVER LET ME DO THIS AGAIN I FEEL LIKE I'M GONNA SHIT MYSELF TO DEATH ARGHHHHHGHHG IS THIS WHAT DYSENTERY FEELS LIKE
I have a bruise on dick where you tried to "high five" me.
It's a hurricane, not a zombie apocalypse. WHY DID YOU BUY SHOTGUNS?!?!
Please assure him that the flying penis statue is for display purposes only.
Filthy. I need to be power hosed with holy water.
People will say "JOE YOU MUST TURN DOWN" and I will refuse, in the name of liberty.
Nothing more ironic than raw dogging some random Asian hottie last night and then doing the walk of shame home from her place mixed in with the participants of the AIDS walk
I hooked up with a guy named Quan.. I literally hit the Quan
Nothing says "Jesus has forgiven your sins" like finding out you're not pregnant on Easter.
Hi darlin, what are you doing tonight?
.... Things I will not be proud of
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