the stripper made me go home becuz she had to take her kid to a birthday party in the morning
dude smells like cheese burgers and loose women...... i want his life
You insisted on drinking champagne out of the dog bowl
But i guess when you use blowjob as a verb you are entitled to some language allowances
I got groped on the dancefloor by both grooms. I love gay weddings
She kept telling the ambulance to sit down and then started crying when we told her it couldn't hear her
Announcement: Given the sad circumstances regarding the death of my dearest friend Chong the Bong, there will be a brief memorial service for him tomorrow evening at 10:30 at my place. After sharing some memories and sending his spirit off to the great bowl in the sky, we will all take place in the commemoration and maiden voyage of his son, Chong Squared, who eagerly waits to meet all of you. High blessings to you all, piece be with you.
I am on a roof. I'm not sure which one, or why, or how, but I am on a roof and you should come get me. I can see info classrooms!
dude i should have never cleaned my ears out while high. theres no going back.
Just face planted the stairs. Apparently Santa brought an extra step while I was at the bar... Fucking dick
if you fuck our toilet off the wall again, i'm going to be so mad.
Should I have spent my entire pay check on Crown Royal and LSD? No. Do I regret it? Also, no.
The 666th photo in my phone is of him and if that's not a sign that he's secretly the Antichrist, idk what is. Also, bring more rum.
Your friend was nice but you didn't have to bang her in my kitchen...just sayin.
who gets drunk at chipotle by noon and then gets kicked out? this chick.
Randomize
