I'm pretty hammered, I'll elaborate tomorrow
bowling with tennis balls and shot glasses. whatever you dont knock down after 2 rolls, you drink.
I've had enough of this chick, she wanted to cuddle after giving me a handjob. I feel like I'm in junior high
i was told that i was found face down in a plate of ketchup at the dinner table
just saw a guy driving a atv down the highway in a tux.... only in Iowa...
You slow clapped the stripper last night.
Come in your red robin gear. If you smell like French fries we can make love.
Mixing coffee with vodka may have been a bad choice, I feel like I'm pregnant and the baby is trying to perform a c-section from the inside.
Part of my treatment is getting high and having sex with 22 year olds. I have a prescription!
we superglued breast forms to his chest. those aren't coming off anytime soon.
ATTENTION PENIS' OF BURLINGTON: I AM COMING FOR YOU
"She's seriously grinding on him while whispering into his ear, 'take me to McDonald's.'"
I hid a TracFone in her bra. We'll find her tomorrow.
Anyways enough about genital fatigue...
I am now gainfully employed. Parents, lock up your children.
Yay! Welcome to the world of "you're seriously trusting me with your kid?"
Randomize
