Awkward is getting caught beating off in the company bathroom...
I wish I only lived at night.
i just woke up in the woods behind my house in handcuffs and a dan marino jersey ive never seen before
He looked me in the chest and said "I think I was visited by the titty fairy last night"
Ask him about the girl he took home Saturday night. I swear she voted for Kennedy.
What did you wear last night? Because I'm pretty sure there are atleast 4 Facebook statuses about your walk of shame.
I know. You don't know poor life choice until your sitting on the floor of a community bathroom waiting to vomit at 4 am
Just once I'd like to do blow in a nice bathroom.
She left a blanket, pillow, a glass of water, and two advils in the bathroom for me. It's like she knew. Best room mate ever.
I offered to lick your vagina while wearing a suit... Pretty sure chivalry is well alive.
YOU KNOW BRAZILIAN BOYS ARE MY WEAKNESS
She asked for references to decide whether she wanted to have sex with me. And she was serious.
If there aren't any tits where you are, you're doing it wrong.
Is Facebook telling the truth about your nipples?!
I deserve a medal for being woke up at 6am on my day off by your mother asking where your brother is
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