you were calling yourself Ulickes S. Cunt.
I can no longer count the number of girls I've banged on my fingers and toes. It's like being born again.
Her boobs were tiny. I could have used her bra as a blind fold. Which in hindsight would have made things a lot better.
Well i tried snorting sugar. so either that made me puke or the fact that i drank water from a fish tank
You're surprisingly coherent for someone who thinks her couch is breathing.
Yeah bro I don't know how she's gonna explain the black eye, how else do you tell your boss "my knee hit me in the face during sex last night"
He came up behind me making dolphin noises in my ear when I noticed a collection of hors d'ouevres from the reception earlier in his jacket pocket
I will never doubt you again...he IS perfect for you
He better not be in your backpack
I'm bored enough im considering taking up his offer to turn me straight just to kill time until the lasagna is out of the oven
I can't find a song to express how gay I'm feeling.
Well at least I still have a burrito in my pocket.
Everyone says I win the strip club
I don't even care that it's before church. I feel like God actually wants me to have this shower beer.
I'm still not sure how to feel about the fact that we had a threesome with a guy the same age as my dad
If I told the doordash driver it's national nudity day, think he'd still report me for being topless at the door?
Randomize
