You say "arrested with two drunk girls" like it's a bad thing....
at FSU your more likely to get an STD than a parking spot
so I woke up and found tortilla in my belly button
Congratulations, you are no longer the only person who has watched me drunkenly pee on their furniture.
He paid me to blow him while doing a handstand. Does that make me a whore or just a budding gymnast?
Eight drinks in. Subject is fondling chips before eating them. Intoxicated texting has expanded from best friend to random guy I met in FBLA.
we found him passed out on the baseball field with two 40oz and wearing a tophat.
Where did he get the tophat?
Going through my bras is like traveling back in time through my past hookups and relationships....
Great news. Our sex broke my otter box
You couldn't even walk but you came into the kitchen with the funnel and begged me to put beer in it
I need to sanitize my soul.
he told me that he only likes small dogs. I should have known he was going to end up being little bitch.
I just wish he would stop trying to bring his emotional baggage into our sexual relationship.
Like he was cock blocking and it usually takes ten cocks to block this cock
I just heard a crying baby from out my apartment window and yelled SAME
Randomize
