Standing here next to my mom talking to my friend trying to act like he doesn't sell me E every weekend.
You thought that the "chillable" logo on the box wine was referring to a city in italy.
it was just fiscally responsible to stop going to strip clubs where the strippers recognized me
She's Christian and monogamous. Two wammies right there. No amount of convincing will turn that bi for a night.
her bf's celebrating 10 yrs of service at kfc...it's safe to say all the good men are taken
I just spewed blue gatorade in the shower. It looked like the ocean.
It's because you were crossfaded. And because drinks were 3 dollars. And because they accepted credit cards.
I am more familiar with your toilet than I ever want to be with any appliance
Just saw pictures of a pregnant teen from my hometown with an American flag wrapped around her naked body posted on FB without irony. These are my roots.
i just had diarrhea that people from the 1930's would have died from
I made it 1 week... 5 business days at my new job before sleeping with my coworker.
Will u make me a "6 month anniversary of being single" cake??? I wanna celebrate
I'm determining which apartments I'm mostly to move into based on how suitable the kitchens are for sex .
Your Vodka Saturday privileges have been reduced to Beer until you go a full month without losing an article of clothing.
It was a strange night. I made out with his college roommate and said "do you care?" beforehand.
Randomize
