Glad I put on jeans. You could measure my ass sweat with a rain guage.
All you kept saying was "my dick ALWAYS causes problems".
Dude, I had to masturbate just to stay warm. Please pay the gas bill?
and the award for most disgusting thing ever done on my couch now officially goes to you! Congratulations, you won the couch...I can't even look at it anymore.
The best, and by the best I mean the worst, was the 7 month along pregnant chick in the skin tight body suit.
No if my life depended on you fingering me just let me die
It would have been nice to break the dry spell with nice, civilized, sober sex somewhere other than on my friend's couch.
Aaaaaaaand dick pic. God bless america, and god bless tinder.
You peed in my kitchen, while crying and insisting my floor was a toilet.
No, gay couples have the same problems straight ones do; I wish that we could go back to the days when he would shit with the door closed.
Her new crush is a 6'2" guacamole baron that may also be a Jedi.
Same encounter she body slammed me to the floor and than humped me
I just noticed, at some point last night I got on iTunes and purchased over 100 classical piano songs.
It's okay to masturbate while watching the Comey testimony right?
the guy had "bad bitches only" tattooed above his penis...
Randomize
