I am going to give you the keys to my place
Then I'll give you the keys to my heart
Gag me
The guy asked if i had a problem w/set schedules
I just masturbated at work. Does that make me a prostitute since i just technically got paid to have sex?
they thought it would be fun to get out their yearbook and see who hooked up with the most guys..I won...I don't even go to the same school
Fake titties should be able inflate and deflate like tires. So on Saturday you can put on your Double D hooker titties or Sunday put on your size B church tits.
Saying she let herself go implies she was actually holding on
just saw the guy i hooked up with last nights' face on a billboard. win.
its 4am and she invited me over to split a 'romantic bowl of frosted flakes'...really dude?...what do you think she's trying to say?...she better not be kidding about the frosted flakes though.
when he was about to finish he told me to avert my eyes and keep my lady parts away. chivalry isnt dead.
she gave me head while wearing a sombrero and told me it was her "welcome to south of the border" blowjob. i am never leaving mexico.
I think I just danced on the bar. With a man named Alabama.
Thank you for turning 21. I'm going to love reading your texts.
I'm training him to sit when I whistle the tune from the hunger games. I'm going to be the coolest parent ever.
Hah I guess I sent that to like ten people, along with another one of me sitting in a bath tub eating an ice cream sandwich.
We need to get Harry and Lloyd's tuxedos from Dumb and Dumber. I feel like this is a vital thing that is missing from our lives.
It’s gonna be hard being interviewed by this girl without remembering the time she showed me her nipple piercings at Dylan’s party
Randomize
