yeah I know. she is a stupid fat trailer trash bitchwhore and I hate her
but when she came up to me in the bar I had to be all like "OMG HEYYY how are you, I haven't seen you in foreverrrrr!!"
but for the record, yeah, I hope she gets mauled by a bear and dies
halloween makes it hard to decipher real cops... from sexy men dressed up as them.
we cut her off and put her in bed but by the time we got back to the drinks she was already there shirtless. she's the topless tequila ninja
the condom is still stuck, that's what I get for being responsible
I'm hungover as hell. I'm dying. I have no skin left on my knees
Was almost hungover and got scared, skipped hungover, back to hammered. Fuck real life
Well that's the thing. He does want to take me out... To a strip club. I see this going down a very bad road but you know I'm going to go.
I spent the money she owed me on enough magnum condoms to make a blimp. Damn right I'm going to make the best of it.
I think you'll be amused to know that I achieved the impossible feat of tripping over my own dick
You know what the worst feeling in the world is? Sitting in your 6pm AA meeting still hungover from the night before
So I bet a guy he could drink two irish car bombs faster than me and I lost. now he gets to name our first son. sory.
sorry I blacked out our whole relationship
Accidentally donated half a joint to Kiwanis with the spare change from my car's ashtray. I hope those kids appreciate it.
Dude, I wish I could live my entire life blacked out.
I really just gave up on masterbating because I'm too tired. I really am getting old.
Randomize
