Gettin pulled over, can you watch my dog and pay the bils for a while?
The girls stopped by my apartment. They caught me naked with a nearly empty bottle of vodka in one hand, drawing crop circles in the carpet with the vacuum.
Ohh the wonderful, yet disgusting things she can do with her hair
I'm okay.. I had a good heart to heart with the cab driver Raheem - it's going to be our year.
We followed the campus tour around in a golf cart drinking PBR and blasting "Sexual Healing."
u kept pointing at random guys and making quacking or mooing sounds.
I woke up and watched my kitten suck on his nipple. Way too hungover to intervene. He thought it was me, so he just giggled and mumbled "mmm girl."
Seriously? God I hope he wasn't lactating.
......... Poor kitty
See what happens chris. I told u not to invite her over. Now shes on her way to jail and were stuck with two pomeranians.
Just asking. Could've given you a lap dance in a sombrero, drenched in corona and tequila.
God Bless cinco de mayo
I DON'T WANT TO DEMONSTRATE MY DICK TAKING ABILITIES WITH MY MOM THERE.
The cop used the word "belligerent" 16 times in the report. You get to bail him this time. I'm not up for it.
I did not appreciate your texts about spanking at 3'o'clock this morning.
Dollars spent: $83, Girls kissed: 4, Girls slept with:2, Girls currently making me breakfast: 1, Fucks given: 0
He suffocated between her tits, but she didn't notice because he still came.
Sorry my phone died. Obviously four o'clock in the morning is a good time to tell you this.
Randomize
