No, veal is cruel because they chain them down, I'm talking about free range human babys here.
I found the TV remote. It was in the washing machine along with the chicken wings you kept complaining to Domino's about that they 'never delivered'
I just bedazzled my weight watchers points calculator. You can tell I'm gay.
Do you remember giving me altiods and wishing me good luck on the walk home?
Before you say anything, my vagine does NOT discriminate against young dads
We lived together for a year and neither of us knew we were both gay.
I'm about to play Thunderstruck by myself, that way I'll always get the long thunder part.
If you die first, I'm going to sleep with a pallbearer at your funeral.
An old man just slapped my ass and handed me five dollars while I was filling chips at subway. I feel violated, but that was the easiest five dollars I've ever made.
First week is awesome. Freshman girls prancing around everywhere like newborn baby deer looking for a dick to jump on
Named all the presidents in order between puke sessions while semi conscious so that's a thing I can do now
There's only two more days left to say you saw me naked this year.....I'll bring the booze, you got all of next year to rationalize why.
I'm sorry for breaking our door. And being a bitch about it.
I just realized it's officially fall..I had sex while watching Halloween
You think my vibrator will be okay in the dishwasher?
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