Sometimes I wish there were a little bird hiding that would periodically go, "creep-per."
if we dont hook up this weekend, im doing both his roommates
your facebook page is a work of drunk art.
I don't think he grasps the fact that I would much rather he finish inside me than on my $400 Anthropolgie bedspread
Are they engaged or just dating? Girlfriends come and go but the memory of sex at the pool last forever.
I just took a shit with a lightsaber in my hand. Dreams fulfilled.
Give us adventure or give us cock. Or cocktails.
Please put me in a whole with no windows and never let me out.
That's like the cock version of a mortal kombat fatality.
Dude if I call tonight please answer and just say "NO, dont do it."
BAT SHIT CRAZY
It's you're fault, even though I never called
He asked me what I wanted for Christmas. I told him an orgasm would be nice.
I was like sure, i'll have a drink or two to end the night early. Next thing i know theres a ton of dudes in my house and like 3 gallons of wine. I cant do anything in moderation.
This ice cream is 10x better than the sex I had yesterday
Just got my LSAT score...if you need me I'll be drunk in a ditch somewhere.
Riddle me this: why did I wake up next to a stuffed sword fish?
Randomize
