This old guy in denny's is sitting alone and he is looking at us and laughing for no reason
I got us kicked out of the bar because the waitress found me in the kitchen trying to make spaghetti
apparently i broke a 100 dollar bill to tip the bartender on a free drink
Just got a citation from campus security for an "accordion disturbance."
Also, I think I'm too drunk to be at the gym right now. But how sober do you need to be for IM volleyball?
halloween is the only time that anne boleyn, the joker, a cowgirl, and a mexican man complete with sombrero and poncho can all hit the same blunt
i left because you were standing at the top of the stairs throwing shot glasses and bottles full of alcohol at me and yelling JAGERBOMBS
I'm not throwing down for dinner because I plan to have so much tequila I puke it up anyways. How much is a cab home?
Dude she pregamed for her sorority's philanthropy.
Ive seen his manscaping faults. Given the choice I'd rather dry hump a cactus
Third base with a 7ft basketball player last night. Fingers like a champ. I call him Edward Penishands.
Came back with a random sweatshirt, an American flag, and a for sale sign. Mission success?
HE TALKS ABOUT HIS DICK IN THIRD PERSON ABORT MISSION ABORT FUCKING MISSION
WHY DO I KEEP FINDING CHICKEN THROUGHOUT THE HOUSE? GET YOUR ASS HOME NOW!
I went shopping for a dress that was baptism and bar appropriate.
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