420 ftw
I just put a condom on my dildo so i wouldng get another uti....most depresIng moment of.my LIFE
Found a phone last night. Hope "daddy" gets picture messages
craigslist free llama. are you in or are you in?
today's workout consisted of me putting my fake in my sports bra and running to the liquor store.
We're pretty much just dating until one of our ex's wants us back
There's glitter in my speakers, piles of cheezits on the floor, a random Audi in the driveway and a homeless dude napping in a lawn chair in the backyard. Wtf happened last night?
Oh okay. That's fine. I'll buy us both dinner when you bail me out
It's a post jail date
So I had sex in the woods today. Anything else that happened today? Irrelevant. It was a GOOD day.
He FaceTimed me fucking his new girlfriend. He was wearing a banana costume.
is it too soon to tell him I'm available anytime for Christmas themed pity sex and I'll even wear a Santa hat?
Is there such thing as a tasteful dick pic? I think I just got one if they exist.
I don’t know what he is but he sure can suck a lollipop.
I'm gonna make out with this 38 yr old. Mark my words. I don't even have daddy issues.
I think I'm the first girl to break a bed with a guy, without even having sex with him while doing so.
Randomize
