But regardless, you really stood out last night, you should give me a chance
Sorry but you seem like a potential womanizer
the ugly redhead just came into the bar, wearing a sombrero...by herself... who is going to tell her that its not cool to throw themed parties when you're the only guest?
My underwear smells like fireworks.
If they made snuggies with a sleeve for my morning wood, id consider buying one...
please remind me not to sleep with group members until after finals week.
I wish straight boys touched me the way gay boys do.
he prob just wants to be friends and here i am photoshopping our kids
they esentially rejected my mermaid threesome offer:(
fact: I now appreciate my drunken winter self even more. I just found $20 in my winter coat with a note that says keep yourself warm next winter. I am awesome.
he told me while inside me and mid thrust that he's dreamed of that moment since high school... awkward
Now theyre filling the kiddie pool water with boxes and boxes of jello powder and im not sure if thats a sign i should leave or what
we got cupcakes after we fucked. gives a whole new meaning to sugar daddy
How does it feel to date your dad?
So uh... Did you mail me business cards that describe my profession as "tortured soul"?
I'm very disappointed that your kitten almost ate my weed cake...
Randomize
