u on campus? she just peed the bed i need to go
I hate how you keep a running list of people who have seen me naked.
I think a girl in front of me glued an ugg tag to a weird pair of boots.
Just printed out my Plan B coupon at the library. Saving my own printer ink and paper as well as 10 dollars towards not being knocked up.
He just slept in my bed for a couple hours and asked lots of questions about gay sex. No, I do not have his number.
I'm on strict orders from her to keep sleeping with you until you give her a job next summer.
i wasn't about to bring her gummy handcuffs to her father's funeral
He won't stop licking me..... im choosing your date next time.
I just found a video on my phone from last night of you yelling, "you can't fuck me!" at least 20 times
I love that your nipples always taste like clean laundry.
I made it with a guy dressed as Mitt Romney. I told him "you can't have my vote, but you can have my body"
no it was not a "magical experience". After we dropped, he just sat there staring at my laptop going "apple makes beautiful things".
My card got declined when I tried to buy dippin dots at 2 am, the lady gave them to me for free because "I looked like I needed them."
And they're not making a turkey. My cousin was "hoping to shoot a bird this week"
Just puked most of my soul out..
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