One girl and one boy is just not enough.
Cool, see you soon... she just admitted to her friends that it was a queef.
talked to my RA about stamps and mailmen again. when do you think she'll realize that i only talk to her when i'm high?
I'm in my winter jacket and nothing else. very drunk. bring bitches.
My dermatologist just asked me, "what happened here?" referring to the bruising on my nipples. I told her I walked into a door. Thanks for that awkward moment.
if i find out your the one who pierced my belly button im going to fuck your sister again
I woke up with her dog licking the wedding cake out of my ear and her sister finishing our Jaeger
did i send you the picture of me smiling with the magnum wrapper?
lesson learned. Never drop acid before a trip to the aquarium. Sounds awesome, is actually terrifying.
I wish you could see all the crumbs in my bra....it looks like Hansel & Gretel got lost in my cleavage.
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a taco... I feel like a female Elvis.
I have bits of ceiling fan all over now
He came on my face and he was genuinely concerned about getting it in my hair. I'm marrying him.
I woke up on the hammock spooning a box of Cheese Itz.
He just compared fucking my vagina to a snow flake falling on his forehead: gentle.... I'm not sure if that's a compliment or not.
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