I'll just wear something slutty to the liquor store and hope for the best
that's your solution for everything
Last night I ate parmesan cheese straight out of the container while watching Chelsea Lately. Look at what happens to me when you leave.
despite contrary belief, getting peanut butter off your balls is not as easy as it sounds
When he left he said something to the effect of "well now that I've been used..." I think he may be on to me.
He smashed a plastic chair leg on a tree stump, threw himself into the side of our metal enclosure, stomped on the wreckage for a bit and then punched the fire.
Just cause I'm shitfaced wasted every night waking up in random beds all over Manhattan does not mean I'm a mess.
Truth. Respect the hustle.
You know you gotta reevaluate your life when the first thought that comes to mind after you wake up is 'at least I'm still alive'
You just wrote a check for drugs...pretty sure you don't have cash for beer..
He let me keep my Michael Jordan Bulls jersey on during sex.
Do you ever actually plan things? Or is it always drugs then whatever happens? I'm considering being worried about you
I'm still, like... really stoked about not having any STDs
I woke up in some kids room and he introduced me to his friends at breakfast as "Monica" so I just went with it.
THE SUPER HOT BARTENDER WHO LOOKS LIKE RYAN GOSLING JUST WALKED IN. BUT HE DOESNT EVEN WALK HE GLIDES. LIKE AN ANGEL.
Need ride home. Girls. Stolen keg. Rolling down streets. Horny girls. No condoms. Rescue needed. girls and beer in exchange for rescue and bacon?
I. Hate. You. Where are you, are said girls cute, and how did you know I bought bacon? And how does this always happen to you?
Smarter than the average bear
well tomorrow I get to eat fungus and go to an abandoned city.
most people would fear that statement, but i wish to join you
Randomize
