FYI... At my funeral, it will be your job to throw yourself dramatically onto my casket.
No, I'm a firm believer in "Swallow or it isn't love."
i love how people use prayer to talk shit about eachother in a 'holy' manner.
i just saw a woman using her birth control packet as a wallet.
I hate girls that dress up to come to planned parenthood. I just want to be like we are all in the same boat here, we know your slutty. Its OK.
Playing a game in life called "how far can I make a man travel for a booty call"
Ok the fact that you know THAT phrase perfectly is terrifying. You just proved you can slut it up in mulitiple languages.
She just referred to her vagina as "this bitch".
My drug dealer just texted me that his kid had a rough sleep and was running late to deliver the ounce to my office. Totes adorbs.
You guys bombarded us in the bathroom and that kid whipped his dick out and peed in the sink.
Made a holiday JibJab of all my fucks. How's your night?
How did you get him out of the shower last time?
Order Taco Bell and leave a trail of burritos leading to his bed.
All I've consumed in the last 24 hours is cranberry vodka and kosher for passover biscotti
That's what happens when you party with the tribe
Well my mom knows that the welt I had on my forehead last month was the result of a sex accident. This holiday sucks
PS I almost downloaded grindr to see if any guys wanted to buy me chinese food..
Randomize
