i fell asleep last night with fifteen animal crackers in my mouth. rock bottom dude.
so last night my mother drunkenly told me that maybe the reason why I want to be a vet was because I was conceived doggy style.
Just had another dream about being on Real Chance of Love. I think it's a sign.
I got a lap dance until she said they wipe of the poles between each dance to clear the "std slime", i couldnt even masterbate at home it was a horrible military monday
Pretty sure I left lotion and my bra in your car. I've secured your fathers belief that your straight. You can thank me later
If the blowjob was before the wedding, we're not technically related, right?
my mom just cut me up lemons and limes so i would have some vitamins with my tequlia
i'm only riding in the trunk because they put the case of beer back here..
We bought home drug tests to see which of us could make it look more like a kaleidoscope. What happened to the days of innocent fun trying to best everyone with a breathalyzer?
I considered my 2012 starting right when the cop followed the wrong car for the bottle rocket we shot at him
Is it possibile to sprain your taint?
She was that bad?
I just baby talked my cat. While getting ready for bed... Before 10 on a Friday. I'm officially a cat lady.
Somehow I woke up next to the bouncer who kicked us out of the bar last night...
He kept saying "Welcome to Indianapolis" over and over while we were having sex...because that's his hometown. I was scared and confused... I didn't know if I should have said thank you or what.
So, I almost went hone with a French guy and a drag queen. Together. Then I became sober enough to realize, that's not my style.
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