I'm pounding a vodka drink as we speak to make her interesting
Most awkward sex ever...
And im texting you in the middle.
Great. There's a birthday party at work today. Now I can stand around and feel uncomfortable for an hour.
If I'm having a dream where I'm having sex and I can actually feel it between my legs because I've had a lot of it recently, does that make me a whore?
I have a feeling this is a serious question. Problem solve, Jess.. I'm going to let you figure that one out on your own
i wish you could fill a pinata with booze
The bubbles in my bathtub are singing to me in german....
This smoking ban is really fucking with my ability to fart in public
I bought the love spell lotion from victoria secret so it atleast smells like a girl is present while I'm masturbating
I was just given a safe word. It's going it be an interesting night.
He woke up, mumbled "silverware", and went back to sleep
Someone asked me why we were having sex on the porch last night. All I remember is him saying he wanted the recruits to see. This has got to stop.
I've never danced to a Michael Jackson song in a bar and left alone bro. Something in girls loves a guy who dances to mj
I have a high opinion of you, you smash bitches. Respect.
He said I took his samurai sword off his wall and proceeded to jump off his porch at people coming home from the bar.
Dude, there are some things that you can't un-see. Her, beached on a dog bed, is one of them.
Randomize
