laying in bed listening to christian music, jealous of the hope they have for their life. also need to beat off, can i think about you?
so we'll all just be running around naked, basically. and high.
I just read the lonely terrorist on nwa had 40 more friends than me on facebook
When he wears his hair down and sandals, he looks like Jesus. A Jesus I would fuck.
That's not what Jesus is for
Every bar we ever go to has a woman there who hates him. Getting so much vagina has never seemed so not glorious
She asked for her virginity back. I don't know what to say
Back of his car in the Starbucks parking lot WITH HIS APRON STILL ON. Check and Mate.
Holy shit. You won barista bingo AND the Triple Crown in one day.
I think this bruise on my arm is actually an impression of your face
If my bootycall doesn't bring over a Baconnator, I swear to fucking God, I'm not letting him in. The hunger is that real. Forget his Persian dick.
We decided to try to steal hot dogs but it ended up with me punching him in the face and crying. Pretty solid night
There should be a guide book that probation officers hand out on "how to tell a tinder girl about your ankle monitor before she notices it at the worst possible moment"
Tonight I'm getting fucked up for America because Lord knows we need it.
He seems like a nice guy. I mean, I know he's married and he's essentially paying me to be his side hoe, but he really seems like a good person.
there is definitely a hickey on my left nipple.
I just recommended that the library purchase the first major hentai with tentacle porn. Really, I'm doing everyone a favor.
Randomize
