32 messages asking me to suck his dick. And there for a minute i thought i was desperate. ha!
Hahahaha
make that 40.
At least drunk you showered before switching sex partners last night.
Have you ever noticed that the cities in car commercials look really futuristic?
...did you eat that brownie?
I drank it. I drank the beer from '78. I drank my bday beer, I drank my soul
Can I just have sex with him and then never talk to him? I need him to be the Mr. Miyagi of my sex life.
State dependent memory. I just needed to feel my teeth. It was like a fog was lifted.
can we for just one second remember that I played with a homeless man's rat at st marks?
So I have to borrow my moms car tomorrow to go pick up my ID from the strip club so I can board my plane tomorrow
I threw up in a pringles can. how do you think my night went.
Just found the measuring tape in my bathroom. How drunk could I have possibly been on Saturday?!
As a gentleman whose genital hole is relatively small, you could imagine my reaction
I just had a guy ask me if his "jewelry downstairs" would set off the metal detector.
I just compared my relationship to that double ended dong scene from Requiem. This day just took a turn.
Is someone on their way here yet? I'm way too tweaked to be here alone
I had to explain to an ER nurse that I burned my dick playing onion ring toss today, your social awkwardness hardly compares.
Randomize
