I Just realized that having a picture folder that says "not for mom" may give off the wrong impression to wondering eyes
Watching the 1st game of the world cup. I'll drunk dial you at 8:30 to wake you up for work.
i should not be allowed to orgasm that much in one day.
All I remember is doing a naked tuck and roll of your bed.
The walk of shame out of a freshman dorm isn't so bad when you're 25, nobody questions you because they think youre gonna bust them for having weed
I don't care how stoned you are, I'm not driving to a different state for a burrito
Dude found out there's an open bar at the celebration of life thing for my grandma which is at noon. Now I know why I can drink so much
I would not be watching the debate if there wasn't drinking involved. Let's be honest.
My mom just sent me this: "I like Jon, but he needs to be the one going down on you! Yeah, we saw your head pop up in your car last night."
I am drunk please bring Taco Bell and sex
Never mind I found pizza just bring sex
You disappeared for 10 minutes. Then came back with nothing but your boxers and a life jacket on to tell us we were all screwed when the flood came and you would be the only survivor.
She proposed we share a dildo. Hopefully she was joking.
I heard the bride mutter "I should have brought a fucking tranquilizer". I'm not at all surprised that you got banned from the bar afterwards.
We woke up today with 24 donuts, a tie, two jugs of vodka that we traded an extra sandwich for, and a british boy
You're an adult now and it's your vagina. You should do what it or you wants.
Randomize
