idk hes just been lookin at me weird all night
he probably just wants to cut your skin off and wear you like a body suit
ok, his religious views on facebook are madonna lyrics. we no longer have to wonder about his sexuality.
Can you please check on Jay? He just called and left a Backstreet Boys song on my voicemail. Either it's 1998, or someone needs to go back to rehab.
We've finally become those guys who you'd see in middle school when you went to the park who are just stoned out of their minds sitting on the swings.
the fact that my dorm room overlooks a children's daycare is enough initiative for me to have safe sex.
My econ prof just gave me a shot glass because I was the "randomly picked" winner of the lecture. Ties into our supply and demand lecture, supplied with a shot glass, demand a thirsty thursday
There's banana everywhere and your hamster may or may not have stayed the night in the microwave...
He's either jacking off or listening to Kanye West.
We didn't have a blender for the margaritas, so she tried to use the garbage disposal and wasted half a handle of my grandpa's good tequila.
You tried to impress her by kicking the 5th floor button in the elevator, but you ended up kicking everything from 3 to 11. Then you said, "pretty accurate, huh ladies?"
Haha. Last winter I went through this phase where id go to the bars with my own giant goblet and demand to be served white wine and red bull hah
I thought I could grab a hold of my stream of urine. So she left pretty soon after that.
I just spent a solid 3 minutes trying to figure out how to send a smell through my phone
why the fuck is there hamburger meat in the toaster. i repeat: WHY THE FUCK IS THERE HAMBURGER MEAT IN MY NEW TOASTER
It’s amazing such a big dick belongs to such a boring guy
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