last night was a success...if success means i don't remember the guy's name and my panties are somewhere in the parking lot behind the bar
I'm blazed at jack in the box and my order number is 420. I wish everything in the world made this much sense.
you'd be confused too if you woke up to pictures of a ghostbuster doing body shots off you.
Most the numbers in my phone are mistakes. It's a virtual graveyard of people I should never pick up for.
Come on, video tape it. Take one for the team
Check that he is NOT ok. He just heated up SoCo and used it as syrup on his pancakes.
You told him that your vagina was the "King Crab" of all vagina's.
She greeted me with a new giants jersey and an opening day blowjob. this is true love.
Dude i don't know we had to beg the bouncer to let us in because you were bleeding everywhere and he saw you run into a dumpster
230 lb girl across the train from me is giving a dude in a kilt a handjob while he sits in her lap
I felt really bad for not letting her go in, it was like we were dangling lesbians in front of her
my ass is still wet. this is highly unpleasant. give me 5 to get changed and I'm all yours. or you can yell things to me while I shower and burn clothes
I think the biggest problem with being overhigh is when the kitchen was on fire and I was pointing and laughing and eating rootbeer oreos like it was fucking Ozzfest 2000
I have got to stop telling people I was almost a prositute every time I drink
I learned three things this morning. Don't get out of my car without my keys, don't let a girl paint my nail unless I'm getting laid by said girl, and lastly I learned how to break into my own car.
Randomize
