Someone's playing Limp Bizkit out loud on the train. I think the decade reset it self.
He just sent me a dick pic with his iPod held up next to it and the words "in relation to iPod." Geekiest booty call ever.
I think you missed the wrong class. Im pretty sure we were taught how to buy cocaine.
So I think I just got a job offer from the guy I used to blow. See, networking pays off.
I hope he's okay, but I also hope he shows up with an eyepatch
She made out with the kickboxers bf. She was just asking to get kicked in the head. In the middle of the bar.
She showed up in lingerie and a turtle backpack full of bacardi. I think its love.
But that's fine. Because I am an independent woman who is going to pull some jane Goodall shit and save the world one day......or be a porn star......either way they are going to wish they had fucked me.
I'm usually good at keeping a straight face, but not while singing a ballad to a stranger in a bathroom.
I gotta give him props though, I've never been propositioned for sex via flash mob.
My Dicks been hard all day. Poor guy isn't used to vacation being over
30% sure Kevin and I just adopted a cat. Talk to me when the sun's up but I really feel like that's a thing.
We had sex with a sexual harassment video playing in the background before his gf got there. I've hit a new low
No I kepy moaning and just called out a name to make them believe I was actually having sex instead of masturbating.
Decided to smoke a bowl in my closet while my parents are gone. Just sat in the closet because I couldn't remember how to get out. Started panicking cuz I thought they were gonna show up... Checked my phone. It's been 4 minutes.
Randomize
