Is it possible to jerk off a nipple?
And if you don't call me, I will embarrass you publicly with a can of spray cheez.
I swear to god I'm going to hunt down and stab the next telemarketer that calls from a blocked number while I'm waiting for my STD results...
we made malted milkshakes. malt as in malt liqour.
Weekend has begun hello red wine at 10am on a Wednesday
It's official, no more fat chicks or even close to that, my balls are 2 dimentional
Just realized that St. Patty's is on a Saturday this year in case you were interested in coming to New York and redefining bender with me.
"Wait, who's gun did I have?" Moments when you re-examine your life choices.
I convinced every single one of my cousins to bring me a glass of wine. I was the alcoholic queen and they were my subjects.
I was kind of torn between "Wow, this is awkward," and "Wow, my therapist is hung."
Idk dude I just feel kinda weird masturbating in my Obama Biden 2008 shirt...
Self care is breaking into nasa and launching yourself directly into the fucking void
I'm pretty sure my therapist gave me the green light to fuck him.
I accidentally put Bacardi in my coffee this morning. I ain't even mad.
A true gentleman never tells. But yes, I did indeed get laid last night
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