Yours is on the dinner table...mine is in my underwear drawer.
I found a pair of size 15 female undies on my floor?? is that big?
Currently having a discussion about how bad cheating is with the girl im dating and the girl im fucking. This might be a sign that i need to reassess my life
She said her first boyfreind was so small she is still technically a virgin.
I kept feeling my boobs..just to make sure they were still there.
The stripper had a daughter my age and offered to introduce us. I didn't know what to say to that.
You are mentally unprepared to be exposed to my degree of perversion.
It's sitting in bleach right now. You will be the creepiest coolest dude in my book if you made a bracelet from my tooth.
Hold on... Are we having an intellectual conversation about porn?
Yup
I love us.
I guess I'm just gonna have to learn to live with the fact that I'm the guy who takes his pants off at the party and tries to start an orgy
If there is a heaven, that's what it will be. Bagel Bites and cunnilingus.
I told him I was ready for another round and he said, "after this part." What guy chooses James Bond over pussy?!
How do I un-spend everything I bought last night? Seriously...was a penis shaped piñata and enough tequila to fill my bathtub really that necessary?
At least you can say you've literally dumped money down the drain
Ugh hungover at a laundromat is a terrible feeling. For some reason I keep getting sucked into staring at the clothes spinning around and around and it makes me want to profusely projectile vomit everywhere
i cant go to his party cause last time i pressed the red buttons on the wall and the fire alarm went off for 40 minutes, i'm not allowed back there
Randomize
