you can still come hang out if you want
I really don't feel like watching you play video games
Is it wrong to want to cut a hole in the Tigger suit so I can molest you while I wear it?
I know we had a good night last night because his turtle was half asleep chewing on the used condom.
I don't have any food so I made a martini so I could eat the olives. Don't tell me I can't think outside the box.
do you think they make 'sorry for walking in on you drunkenly jacking of to a picture of me' cards?
Nothing says "welcome to Denver" like a hot 18 year old giving you directions to the dispensary and ending up blowing you in the backseat
I found pix on her phone of me passed out and her sticking things up my ass. Its over.
I seriously want to say to him "Do you know how many blow jobs you could have gotten this summer?"
I found out his moms name, maiden name, profession, and office location, his dads name and profession, his home phone, picture of their house, all of his work profiles, and the cost of their house. All I'm trying to do is find his damn twitter
who is the naked dude on the coffee table
thats jeff, jeff is nice so don't be rude
I plan on blacking out and milking a cow
Walking my dog and eating a taco in last night's dress.. Classy
I should be trashily making out with an air force cadet in the beach volleyball court by now
THIS IS EXACTLY WHY YOU SHOULDA FUCKED BEFORE YOU MADE HIM YOUR BOYFRIEND, CURVED DICKS ARE NOT OK
No I dont want him to bring his twin brother, cause then ill have to entertain him with my vagina
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