All of his creepy stalker friends want you too
is it considered a "problem" when you find a pickle slice in your bed in the morning or is it like a "super-awesome bonus"?
Fell asleep in bio again. Sometimes i feel like college is just one really expensive nap.
then you put baby powder on the bottom of your feet and walked to your room so "ladies would follow the footprints"
Have you ever wondered what your stripper song would be?
I showed up to a booty-call in my onesie pajamas and rubber boots
You just yell-acapella'd the theme to fresh prince of bel air to me while a different song is playing in the bar.
Hurry up I'm getting mooned by a hobo
Ive never seen a drunk man get suplexed before last week, now its the standard requirement every time we go out.
If more people understood that brunch is at 3pm the world would be a better place because you don't have to wake up early. Breakfast food is important
Normally roommates threatening each other with knives would be too much crazy for me, but I don't have much going on right now and I feel like this could get interesting. So I think I'm gonna ride this shit out for a while.
Seltzer and cocaine. Life is flawless right now.
In my defense I didn't know there was concrete on the other side of that fence when I tossed him over it.
You're both fucking idiots and this is why I should never let you two drink alone.
New rule: if someone asks if you would like to snort a xanax the answer is no.
He tried to kiss me in the middle of hooking up... it was a deal breaker. I got off him and left.
So making out with chicks at the bar is fine and dandy, but your booty call can't kiss you? You have the strangest fucking rules...
Randomize
