i just saw my boxers from 2 days ago stuck in a tree 4 miles from my house
cruising supermarkets, asking random people where i can get weed. fuck alaska
At lowes after workin outside. Kid behind me says "mommy that man smells like a taco" yes she was talking about me.
hey did I tally my arm again of # of shots?
nope, you were tallying rejections at the party
they found her hiding behind the couch trying to feed a cabbage patch doll a bottle of tequila. please tell me she's on birth control.
He insisted on sleeping in my bed. Had he taken all of my obvious hints I would have sucked his dick. He only wanted to snuggle. My world has been turned upside down.
The guy I fucked last night is well worth up the ass tuition. I just wish I could tell dad thanks!
i left after you tried to balance a shot of tequila on your head while screaming at the bar tender that you fucked his girlfriend
Well, I now know how many glasses of wine it takes for me to fuck my neighbor.
Pants-less sunday? Also I'm high and independence day is making me cry
im coming over
I taped a pair of scissors and a coupon for a waxing on the door. He gets to choose.
How do I say "I still wanna hook up w you but I don't wanna see your penis via text ever again" through a snapchat
don't do laundry while your drunk! i found a ketchup bottle & clothes hanger in the washer this morning!
Just got recognized as black out drunk girl. I'm never going to live that down, am I?
The wedding is over. Operation sleep with my step-sister has officially begun
Randomize
