She's a freak. I've got the scars to prove it.
It was the gentlest way I could hit on a girl who just got hit by a car
Just saw a field sobriety test being administered at 730 am, I now know I do not have a drinking problem
i think he just broke into a bike shop his last text said something about hiding in some tree
You're the only person that can successfully use titties and Jesus in the same sentence.
we got kicked out of McDonald's because you kept screaming THAT SHIT CRAY at the woman in front of us because she ordered a fish filet.
...that shit cray.
its 4am. im standing over him in my bed eating chinese food, on the phone with dan trying to convince him to break up with his gf. whoredom.
Part of me was thinking I should go old school and get a chasity belt before the semester starts. Really lock that shit down. But then I thought, fuck that. I'm going to hit that campus like an f5 whorenado
Do you ever actually plan things? Or is it always drugs then whatever happens? I'm considering being worried about you
I just heard your voicemail. Glad you like my dick and think I'm cool
Being a fine ass woman in a world full of fuckboys is the realest struggle I've ever known.
I just told the bartender to “give me something that will murder me”
I swear to god, no guy has been as interested in sticking stuff up my butt as this girl
Apparently I’m a terrible influence when alcohol is involved
I SHOULD BE TERRIFIED OF HIS DRAGON DICK.
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