Correction, I've been on a lot of dates and a lot of dicks
did all my christmas shopping this morning at 4am drunk. never went to sleep. i was walking home drunk last night when i passed a target and saw 3 kids having a dance off. had to join. somehow they convinced me to go shoopping with them. i bought 4 disco balls and a lava lamp.
I am not deleting the internet history anymore, now I am going for shock value.
grab my backpack.....its in the fridge
he was gone before i woke up. left a pee stain, phone number, note and $20 for sheets. safe to say i will not be calling.
Jumped in the kebab van and said he was Ultimate MasterChef. Incurred wrath of six angry Turks. I got free chips.
We really have to stop convincing people tazing is the cool thing to do.
I told my mom about how you got white girl wasted and sobbed about Whitney Houston. She sends her condolences.
tell her thanks so much
can you just act like it's not so easy to get a blowjob from me??
Haha at least the one I have like that you can't tell we are completely drunk and you're about to kick a glass out of my hand in a fit of joy over pizza.
I can't believe she made out with my 15 year old brother. That kid can seriously pull.
She just spat tequila at me... Like a fountain... A broken fountain
This was like angel cum on the bread of life filled with the nectar of the gods
He's doing his thing where I don't know if he's alive until three in the afternoon so idk
She was drunk running in the middle of the street when a cop saw her,picked her up and dropped her off at her house. This really doesn't surprise me.
Randomize
