just realized i can abbreviate thomas paine as t pain in poli theory class notes....YES
so he just called his new girlfriend by my name and she was too drunk to even notice how awkward..
Brought a cooler and a case to a parade. I'm getting dirty looks since it's 10:30. Telling people it's for the troops.
If she doesn't judge me for bringing my vibrator in the tanning bed, I know she is a true friend.
Let's just rave with boners that last for hours
Get your penis over here NOW. emergency
I'm going to be fiscally responsible and buy a handle.
Well if homeless lesbian experimenting divorcée is your new M.O., you're gonna need to start drinking more anyway so if that's what it takes to talk about it tomorrow afternoon, bottoms up bitch
Did you know they have a bouncer at Applebee's because I did not
Best day ever, my junk is bigger than Kate Uptons boyfriends. Yay for Fappening day!
Puking in the Ritz Carlton bathroom was actually kind of a nice experience
Im including "no monologues past 1am" in the list of apartment rules. Theatre majors dude.
As a paramedic, it's completely unacceptable to black out on a monday. I cant handle 3 dollar shot night.
At 3:00am my whole house started smelling like cooking meat. I have no idea why she thought it was a good idea to crock-pot a WHOLE turkey that early in the morning.
I wrote notes to myself all over my body. "don't yell at cops again" "Cody stole your phone" "you kissed Cody" "vodka shots are bad for your liver" and "cactus pretty" WTF????
Randomize
