i know we just met, but i forget your name, and i'm wondering why my penis burns?
I just chugged a whole pitcher of beer in 1 min. 9 sec. A whole goddamn pitcher.
Apparently 151 is to me what spinach is to popeye.
dude i need to stop getting high. i cant afford to eat like this...
so she sprained her ankle somehow and her friend had to carry her out while all 7 of us watched. do we even need to vote on that or is that automatic induction into the hall of shame?
I'm customer of the month for a 3rd time now at the Wine store. I've achieved so much in my life
she gave me her number. found out it was already stored in my phone as "bathroom blowjob"
Party was cancelled. Me and my dog are high as tits. Wanna go roam the outlet mall?
We had a deepthroating contest with breadsticks at Olive Garden
Ugh. I guess I'm crying loudly or something. My mom just came in and gave me milk, chocolate, a Xanax, and her weed "for the break up blues". Her ways of affection are so odd.
I think there's an ice cream truck out back, but there's no way I can get pants on in time to catch it
Like an undercooked grilled cheese that got cold again. But hairy.
And there goes my desire for sandwiches. Forever.
I'm so annoyed. We're about to buy groceries for the week and at this point I'm hoping to sustain myself on pure alcohol.
LET ME HAVE MY JUDGMENT OF OTHER PEOPLE
And tell your penis that we can hang out tonight for sure.
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