If it has a penis then it will be stupid. Just how it works.
you were the first one he came out to and you announced it as the finale while singing karaoke at the bar
tried to be sexy and unbutton his shirt with my teeth. ended up slobbering all over it. thank god he was already passed out
Just spent the last of my lifesavings on (what i hope is enough of) alcohol. Hello summer.
you screamed santa and jumped in front of 50 kids to tell him you wanted a bong for christmas.
The question is do I invite my fuck buddy to my graduation party now that my girfriend found out about her?
that's why you don't digest questionable powders from girls wearing tutus at a dirty club
They were taking shots out of the caps of perfume bottles. This is too much for me.
Every time I drink before 5 somebody's pet dies
Stop drinking before 5
Easier said than done
You don't have anything to lose--we've established that he's not going to murder you and he smells good.
I literally just smashed open my grade school piggy bank for beer money. Goodbye childhood. Hellllllo coin night.
Dude when the cops came you ran through the fence. Fucking THROUGH it. You're a master ditcher.
I like her because we want the same things out of life AND she actually wants to have sex with me.
I think vodka/water/skittles totally beats your crystal light mimosas
I think everyone at the office can tell I'm dehydrated
you mean still drunk
I've heard it both ways
Randomize
