Tampa is so boring. I'm dying. I want lots of cleavage at my funeral. If i cant get laid, i want my friends to. I'm that kind of person
Why would you say my penis is small in front of so many people?
he rolled over in his sleep, called me a hoe and then grabbed my crotch. some things never change, asleep or not.
Babe. Honestly. Trust me. Your balls are not that big. And i'm eager.
6 margaritas later and free shots of tequila, i woke up with a fat lip and they said i blew my nose in a slice of bread
Sometimes I send them texts like "I want to make you cry and lick up your tears" just to fuck with them. And THAT is how you get rid of a Stage 5 clinger.
my goal was to make out with as many people dressed as batman as possible. I have my priorities.
Found a grenade pin. Still no Dave.
I've been buying my puppy dildos for chew toys. I can't wait till a girl comes over and my dog is gnawing on a giant black cock
We decided it was acceptable to walk out of class on a quest for Doritos. That high.
Buy Actually if the police need to find my body I'm on an air mattress in an apartment near a McDonald's that's all I see out dat Window
I ran into his family and they made me a ham sandwich and I asked if they wanted to come streaking. I felt they deserved the invite.
And two different second-graders said my make up was pretty. It's left over from last night bc I woke up 5 min before I was supposed to leave.
Ever look at an ex and wonder...was I drunk that entire relationship??
Yes, yes I do.
Vocabulary what?!? Shakespeare is my bitch.
Randomize
