Spotted: jayne dropping her cigarettes in a puddle...then picking them back up and putting them in her pocket. If i ever get that desperate, stop talking to me
It's just like soggy cereal, but cancerous
The child next door sounds like he's having vigorous sex in the backyard and it's making me very, very uncomfortable. I don't want to look.
i just farted in the library and heard some girl yell it was sulfur gas. can. not. move.
im at a party in sweatpants, slippers, and a basketball jersey from the eighth grade, 10 bucks says im still getting laid
she broke up with me using backstreet boy lyrics
you deserved it if you knew it was backstreet boys.
whenever I think of his sister, I just picture a chick with a huge beard
He is in the front yard trying to catch birds out of the air with a fishing net.
Dude, didn't you know? Its balls out wednesday.
You tried tipping the cashier at Cook Out by shoving a dollar bill down his shirt and yelling "Magic Mike"
Aaaand the winner of the worst decision of Sunday night goes to me as I pull up to his house in my lingerie.
Guy fieri is speaking only to me. We make eye contact. My whole body is vibrating. My head is purring. I am literally marbles.
i can do like, 15 pushups. 20 if i listen to dubstep.
I just poured two shots of fireball into my Rapunzel mug I love finals.
I'm at the gym. I've taken enough caffeine to feel inspired to be a low budget instagram fitness model. I totally forgot my push up bra though
You can accomplish quite a bit with a can do attitude and a well placed ice cube.
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