Most awkward thing ever just happened. I was reaching in my purse to get something and a condom fell out into the woman's lap next to me. At least she knows I'm safe.
we are learning about oedipus in english. fuck you for making this awkward for me
Going to eat lunch. Bunch of people in church clothes, and we are hungover, wearing pajamas, and in real danger of puking on the floor. We're about to destroy the ambience of this joint.
I left a cheeto on everyone's car trailing to the house i'm at, hanzel and gretel style.
they're making a venn diagram comparing gummi bears against gummi worms...is this what i have to sit thru to get free weed????
We had sex in the bathroom. Then he told me I could watch him pee.
As long as you're naked and covered in glow paint, I'm there.
I had to have the guy I went out with last night come pick me up from the hotel the next morning after I ditched him for a firefighter..don't even talk to me about a walk of shame
He put oyster crackers in his ramen noodles. Is that a thing? Because holy shit I had never thought of it before and if it's not a thing he's my new stoner hero for discovering it.
She's opening her family birthday cards at the bar. So we can pay our tab. Bitches wrote checks :(
I think its awesome that i just got you to cheer for sex
Well sex is awesome. Sex deserves cheers.
Right as the plane left the gate the brownies kicked in. I dont think the guy next to me appreciated my engine noises as we took off
I couldn't figure out what was more important, finishing the shot or putting out the fire on my leg.
It's time you knew: I have been dating your probation officer for 7 months. Pretty certain he's THE ONE. So, thanks for being a criminal.
We still getting married? Or were you day drinking
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