I just woke up in the 4th floor lounge at 5:30AM with my ipod on to springsteen and a condom on
Apparently on the way out of the ER i asked the nurse to doggie-bag me some more morphine.
my cabbie only has one arm...this can't be safe
You ordered a "mcblizzard" and yelled @ the worker for false advertisement because she didn't flip your "mcblizzard" upsidedown. You wanted it free. I'd say mcdonalds daytime workers need to be trained in dealing with daytime drunks too. She didn't know what to do.
You didn't have enough money so you tried to convince the cashier that "four dollar foot long" rolled off the tongue better. Stop drinking. Immediately.
Thank god i puked near the cancer center. makes me look like a chemo patient
He's telling everyone that the only reason he's at this party is to hook up with me. SOS HELP.
I wish your snatch was here
If my snatch could sprout wings I'd fly to you
I've really become a household name at this fraternity. Mother would be so proud.
I chose not to drink last night but drinking chose me
Got to use the phrase "sweet pukas dude." My day is made.
Got 2 free lines of blow from some random guys on the side of 13th street.....how's your Sunday going?
just saw two mice fucking on our bed...i think its time to find a new place to live
We had sex in Lake Michigan for an hour Sunday.
Thanks for ruining an entire lake for me. I hate you so much right now.
I miss the pre Covid days when we could meet men in bars. Hitting on guys in the grocery store is just depressing
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