dude, the reading rainbow guy was just talking to a HOLOGRAM
Are you sure you're not watching Star Trek?
wait... oh
dude that girl has seen more cock ends then weekends
just smoked a bowl with my history teacher. i love community college
Pizza is the life boat of my drunk Titanic
I guess I fist pumped too hard. I hit my mom in the face and now we're sitting in the ER.
When we told the nurse what happened, she replied with "OH, Well you don't look Italian to me!"
Reggie can tackle my bush.
don't worry dude, we didn't fuck on your bed out of respect for you
couldn't find a condom?
basically
at one point last night, you were literally auctioning me off. "reeeally drunk hot girl ! we'll start the bidding at an ice cold corona. oh, we have a bidder! do i hear a shot of whiskey? going once, going twice.."
youre welcome
Drunk tip #47: Its better to overestimate how many plastic bottles itll take to urinate in, rather then underestimate.
Every time I stand up, gravity punches me in the tits. This is horrible.
I guess she fell asleep at the strip club and the other one was crying because she had a vagina in her face. Happy 21st!
I'll get tired halfway through and end up passed out at a taco shack honestly
I woke up with a black eye and a buttplug...not sure I really want to know what happened.
Dude, you got arrested for trying to direct traffic with your dick....
I’ll call you in a minute. Trying to book an AirBnB so I can finally bang the yummy guy from yoga
Your downward dog is going to rock his cock. I’m jealous
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