he drank a monster margarita at dinner. had to ask me if it was dollars or minutes that ended in 60.
I mean. If you don't have time I understand, but my dick doesn't.
I won't be sarcastic... just naked
can your parents tell?
i just had a cookie in one hand and a phone in the other and tried to eat my phone...they know
I don't remember her missing an ear while we were at the bar
I don't think the cop knew you were on ecstasy until you asked for a back rub.
The bank teller laughed at me....I'm apparently that fucking hungover looking
All I wanted was my $85. Judgement free. But nooooo
I'm just saying, margarita tuesday would turn anyone gay.
I feel like he's only with me because no one else would blow him.
I told him I would only take his calls if he was dead, dying, capturing a midget, or buying me shots.
I stand by my new policy.
So I'll bring my machete and we can smoke your shit.
Out of context, that is a hilariously scary message.
He congratulated me by offering up free orgasms.. I told him I also had a birthday last month we needed to celebrate.. He was there in ten minutes.
I think i'm the first person to get kicked out of a club while completely sober. Come outside please!!
bring the pregnancy test and the margarita mix, see you in 15
What happened last night and why am I partially covered in queso?
Randomize
