I think I just saw the travelocity gnome in leather chaps.
forecast for tonight- shitshow with a chance of tbell
my version of bright and sunny.
i must have dtf stamped on my forehead
laying in bed listening to christian music, jealous of the hope they have for their life. also need to beat off, can i think about you?
You SHOULD feel empty, we were at the top of our game, and by that i mean snorting things we don't understand and only a few steps away from adultery.
As I sit on the toilet at 4 am I realize tonight could have gone a lot better
Are we still banned from the library?
Ok I've processed it. Who the fuck makes out drunk in a parking lot in a backseat with the windows down in the middle of the day?!?!
Why do you hate her?
She's dating the best penis that has ever entered my vagina.....
The sad part is I didn't even want to get laid. I just wanted the emotional connection, but my vagina was screaming "TOUCH ME. TOUCH ME RIGHT NOW BECAUSE MY DADDY ISSUES ARE MUCH DEEPER THAN MY EMOTIONAL NEEDS!" Vodka has a way of getting me out of my emotions and gets me fucked every time.
I'm home, and it turns out she didn't get it all. still picking Oreos out of my pubes.
I just left a 3 minute voicemail to the guy I want to fuck baby talking my cats and I don't know if I can delete it 😐
Your slutty phase was the highlight of my year.
You sent me a very drunk love letter
Was it the one about pterodactyls?
I was disappointed I thought you actually loved me
It's only 3 AM. There's still time to get arrested today.
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