I need to start cutting my cocaine with Plan B
I may have been to starbucks and 2 classes with balls still written on my face...
Dude, just discovered frito and mozzarella nachos. Don't say I never contributed anything to this world.
That poor kid, I literally invited myself over and took advantage of him.
yea I'm sure he was really upset some drunk girl showed up to fuck him.
Do you have to put it that way?
Idea for the cake. Joints for candles. Do it.
Just re-gained consciousness in the freshman girls dorm. Normally this would be awesome but I'm on the floor surrounded by chicks doing their homework. This makes me uncomfortable but I don't think they know I'm awake yet. If I b-line for the door can you come get me?
I just found a tail you can wear naked. Via a butt plug. Who ever said the internet was a good thing?
She twisted her ankle and paid a homeless guy for a piggy back ride home from the bar.
I deleted his number so I had to go into my old voicemails which are saved through my gmail and search his name... Never underestimate the resourcefulness of a drunk girl on a mission for dick
Like I feel like I use my high IQ for the wrong things
Also, there's the possibility of falling 5 feet to your death to make it more exciting
In which case I will yell FIVE SECOND RULE and continue to slam you
I just bought a bong from a hot dog stand.
This is the drunkest I've ever been at a chili's
It's my birthday, if I want to stay home, get stoned and watch the gameshow network, that's what I'm going to do.
Apparently we fucked, I kicked him out, then he came back and we did it on the coffee table and in the kitchen.
Randomize
