Wow.. I was doing a mental check of my bank balance & I literally just said to myself: 'I have 27 dollars and a bottle of tequila til tuesday-ill be fine'
Some girl just toasted to friendship and love. I want to break her neck.
just once id like to meet someone on craigslist who isnt fat
Just got to costco. Where are you?
Liquor aisle, bring another cart.
Appropriately today was the first time I've ever GTL'd. I can't believe I made fun of this,it's rather relaxing.
Where did you go?
I'm not really sure. They have flavored vodka. I like it and I'm never leaving. Ever.
just had sex in my dorm hall public bathroom while wearing my favorite cat sweater. tonight was a win
I should get him a card "thanks for letting me use you for your penis on and off as I see fit and for being a nice guy. My boobs and I appreciate your loyalty and dedication"
I just remember yelling "BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS" while I was streaking
Successful first night. Lost my phone. Front desk found it. Earthquake in wine country. Didn't feel it.
I also tried to hide a bottle of vodka in a build a bear last night so that something that happened in my life
Is it acceptable to pay for WiFi on flights solely for the purpose of getting on Tinder to find a sugar daddy on the plane that doesn’t mind upgrading me to first class?
Do it. You’re flying for two weddings. You’re gonna need that first class.
you were so high you just watched the elf.... its spring
She played the piano. I played the piano. She got on top of the piano. I got on top of her.
this is the 3rd time this week I've gone to the liquor store to stock up for the next 2 weeks
Randomize
