his text ended with ... everyone knows dot dot dot equals infer sexy time
I can make a handprint turkey for extra credit in history. I feel like the word college should be in quotes on the school letterhead.
Have you ever wondered what your stripper song would be?
It's what America was founded on: former hookups referring you for a job four years later.
Why is there a blood-covered "sorry about your stuff" note stapled to my door?
Article 1, law 1, section 1 of the apartment 25 party handbook: tarp will be purchased prior to any and all future parties. Aforementioned tarp will be placed on floor. Any and all sick patrons must relocate to tarp preceding the event of expulsion of bodily fluids. Failure to do so will result in ejection of guilty patron and banishment of the accused from succeeding party. All patrons must read and sign a copy before entry is granted.
God I hope my hair dresser doesn't realize that all these hairspiration pictures are from gay porn blogs on tumblr.
Well, we broke up and instead of putting my shit out on the curb like a normal person, she fucking donated everything to Goodwill. So now I have to pay two dollars for one of my own t shirts.
You texted me a picture of your face along with #help
Are you coming to class or was the dick pic this morning your way of saying not today?
oh and apparently my boobs are named "have no fear" and "plenty o'beer"
I'm just wondering how Jon managed to get vomit ON THE CEILING?
Fyi - we're going to be eating those sandwiches in bed when you get home.
it was awkward when he was taking off my clothes and i had to help him undo my fanny pack
I can’t tell if I have feelings for him or if my vagina does.
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