remember when u banged some random dude twice in the back restaurant room of the bar i work at with customers still there? and woke up with an enormous highschool-sized hickey this morning? no big deal.
New rule: no balls on the kitchen counter.
stuffed animals make me feel really maternal.
Who has a video camera? i want to look back on this one day and say OH thats why i spent 2 years in jail
she carries around a jar of peanut butter. "just in case".
im pretty sure while i was fucking her my dog was fucking her dog too
did i call you last night crying about tacos and the royal wedding again?
I don't appreciate the fact that you tagged me as a giant bucket Miracle Whip.
Also while I am being the bigger person I plan on bringing over something strong smelling and/or alcoholic to torture the poor hungover bastard
I totally forgot about finals week. im the worst adderall salesman ever.
He said I could stop sending ass pics now and just say hello. I'm not sure if that means he's no longer interested, or that he's a gentleman??
he's the only real guy friend I've had who I've never made out with
He's far too busy staring into my soul to touch my tits.
I don't think I've ever been sadder than the way I feel when I finish my meal while I'm high
Just used a NyQuil cup to take a shot. This night is headed nowhere good.
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