You dont understand. she was my french AND spanish teacher. that's 2 kinds of freaky. i have to find her on facebook.
I just randomly started counting the number of guys that I've hooked up with that are now gay. 11.
Weed smoke burps in the boss's face. Job security.
Why is there a keg in our kitchen? I'm not complaining but why is there a keg in our kitchen?
how are you shocked you fucked her? sure shes hot, but she also washed your beerpong balls in her mouth..... you should probably get tested.
Please come home, i don't want to feel like basket garbage girl but I'm in your alleyway and not sure how to change that.
So how was the sex with me last night?
No worse than usual.
Oh my fucking god how fucking embarrassing never again will I mix drugs at a family barbecue
"What's your dick like homie" is not really an acceptable thing to say out loud
You're doing screenings before you set me up again- no child sized dicks allowed.
Valentine's Day is now to be known as Tacos and Orgasms Day.
I feel like my foot is being amputated. Or maybe it's the vodka. I couldn't tell you.
as a side note pls kill me
I believe the only reason I am slightly functional right now is the leftover drugs in my nose that I keep sniffing
my comprehension of H.D. Thoreau really dives after 8 beers.....
It will astound me if they ever let you graduate.
Randomize
