no more hot dogs for you........
fine no more vajj for you
You were screaming at a bartender last night for not referring to you as god.
and apparently I tried to pay for beer with a tampon.
plan parent hood is for high school, im at the abortion clinic, so college.
just heard someone say they saw a guy puke while riding a bike across campus without stopping
I just realized last night I drunk-bought a flight to Florida for this weekend...kinda torn between the price and the potential of awesomeness
If anyone wants to ring in the new year with gluttony and yoga pants, let me know. As soon as it becomes a socially acceptable hour to drink margaritas, I'm gonna go down on a chimichanga.
it is basically gonna be an ugly Christmas sweater rave
This is not my bathroom and these are not my pants
Wound up hungover. Visiting 4 y/o nephew suggested cookies and milk and playing Kirby with him with the sound down. This kid is going places.
Your phone just changed "liver" to "liquor" how dose that make you feel
are you still up? I want to use you for sexual things. you have 35 minutes to respond to this offer.
I had to replace her wine with red vitamin water. So if she’s alive, you can thank me
I just realized I'm not wearing clothes. I think my pants may be in the kitchen but I have no idea where my shirt is. I'm kinda worried.
I ended up sleeping with him in a public bathroom because neither of us remembered where we lived. I have hit a new low.
His ass is a ten, but his personality is a two. Which would average to a six if I didn't have to figure in apologizing to all and sundry. In short hard no. Get a new wingman.
Randomize
