question. what would be the least awkward way to ask your one night stand if he came inside of you because you would really prefer not to have his illegitimate lovechild. hypothetically.
this kid at 40 friday greeted another kid by saying "heeey farmville neighbor"
dude.
yep. needless to say i didn't meet anyone and spent yet another friday night masturbating.
i never told you how having a club foot got me laid
I should take him calling me "a freak of nature" after sex as a compliment, right??
and the award for most disgusting thing ever done on my couch now officially goes to you! Congratulations, you won the couch...I can't even look at it anymore.
i left the icescrapper in his bathroom. i dont remember taking it there, but i remember brushing his hair with it.
I like how I get messages from eharmony at the same time I'm looking for a new vibrator. It's like the powers that be are just trying to make my life ironic.
Is it bad that all my wine bottles have teeth marks in the cork?
He's trying to marry me, when is the appropriate time to tell him my real name and that Dallas is a completely fictitious slutty alter ego? I need the advice of someone with morals.
I do have a life. It just consists of making scarves and chesse straws now
He sent me a snapchat of himself growing a double chin. I think we're past the stage where there's any risk of us sleeping together. Ever.
Mmhmmm. I have a list of drunk achievement that is almost as long as my list of stoned achievements
I feel like my body was put in a dryer with rocks set on permanent press.
Hey I'm coming to get my gin do you want a good luck blowjob for your exam tmrw
Honestly, you can’t tell the whole sorority he has a donkey dick and expect that no one would sleep with him after you broke up
Randomize
