she lunged for my junk like it was the cure for swine flu
She knew it was going down when I had her search for "condoms" in my iPhone Maps.
So he ended up having sex with me, but it was so awkward. When it was over, he went to the bathroom, and he came back and asked, "are you on your period or something? there's blood on my dick..." and i said, "well it was supposed to start today, nice surprise...i am so embarrassed." and he said ,"it's better than you queefing." and as soon as he said that, i queef the hardest and loudest i ever had.
flashcards smell like vodka and my textbook is in the toilet. ready for the final
Also, our mothers are placing bets on which of us will get pregnant first.
He asked me to grab his balls and yell "thats a spicy meat-a-ball" Last time I do requests.
You were dancing around the clubbing yelling "best wingman ever" and raising your cast in the air
I'm at a winery and there's a 50 yr old woman sitting at a table alone with a bottle of wine and the only time I've seen her get up is to harass the hot dog guy
This is amazing. I can pinpoint the window in time that you lost all sanity.
I met his parents. We played twister. My boob popped out.
I just put on lipstick to sext him. That should tell you where my love life is at.
I am 5' 11" of pure, uncut Fuck Off right now.
How are you and your magical vagina doing today?
we are not getting arrested this weekend. I don't care who I have to blow its just not happening.
I dont know. He's too private. After you fuck him find out his secrets.
Randomize
